Gender roles and Society

Hi!

It’s a pleasure to be able to share with you all yet another blog this week. This week I felt I share something a little bit secular. I want to share my thoughts more in a manner of internal dialogue and discussion as opposed to a thesis or dissertation standpoint. There are many views and opinions on gender roles today; some are viewed as archaic, some as modern and some as probably too futuristic. The common denominator to all three is that they are based on people’s opinion and everyone seems to have one these days.

We also live in times when people get triggered by almost anything, and if it is possible I feel people will get triggered by someone else just existing. What am I driving at exactly? My point is at the end of the day we all have to do what works best for us without causing discomfort to other people or living beings. Gender roles have a very huge impact on our society and for some reason whether we accept it or not there are positive impacts from each model. The “application” of these roles can be pinpointed effectively in a traditional Man-Woman relationship. So let’s have a quick look at this model; simply put the Man is the breadwinner, he provides, protects and professes his love and care for his female partner and family by seeing that they have all they need. He works and the Lady takes care of their home and kids.

The second model which is the modern model (I have given them these names for ease of description), is what we have more of these days. The Man and Woman are both providers, they both share the duties in the home and they are both working professionals.

Last but not least is the futuristic model (which is slowly gaining ground now), where no one is “expected” to do anything designated to a gender and everyone does what they can to help the relationship, so, for example, a Man who earns less than his wife could decide to stay at home full time to take care of the kids while the woman is the one working and providing. So far I haven’t spoken about the pros and cons of the three models so that we have a general idea and no bias before reading through all of them.

Pros and Cons of the traditional model: let’s look at the pros first; the woman is always protected as she doesn’t have to deal with job stress or sexual harassment at work. She is able to be a teacher for kids who have her full attention and undivided time since she’s at home with them in their formative and first years. The Man is rest assured knowing that his wife is at peace and the chances of her being exploited by people or a job are next to nothing. An extrapolation of this model will be to set up a venture that she can run from home if she expresses boredom etc.

The cons; the lady might feel like she’s not allowed to pursue a career and as such this might lead to feelings of frustration. If the Man loses his job, the family is hit for the period it takes him to get a new one. Surviving on one income these days might be tough especially if the couple does not live within their means.

Pros and Cons of the modern model; As per the pros, there is double income which means leverage to do more within the home, if one person suffers a job loss there is some cushion from the other partner’s income pending when things are solved, each partner has the chance to pursue a career they like, etc. House chores are shared and this can make the load easier.

For the cons; there is little or no time left after a hectic day to spend with each other, they both return from work exhausted and neither can really offer the other support emotionally because they are both drained. Work decisions can supersede a home decision especially if money is involved, and this may cause a rift in the relationship as a partner might feel their opinion is not being respected. Usually, each partner is more answerable to their work “boss” rather than to their partners. For example, a Man might want his wife to do one thing but if the boss gives a work order that contradicts it she might lean more towards it because that’s where she gets her income. Kids are sent off to daycares at a very early age and miss the chance of being around their parents in their formative years. The lady is exposed to sexual harassment either at work or simply in her commute. Feminity and poise become something a woman has to wear and take off like makeup because at work she has to be “aggressive” and “competitive” with her male counterparts. Usually this “aggression and competition” doesn’t limit to the workplace, after a while it becomes second nature and it creeps into the home, creating subtle competition with one’s spouse.

Eating at home becomes inconsistent since they both return tired from work and there tends to be more of a lean towards eating out. This is usually more expensive and unhealthy as it is difficult to track the hygiene or dietary standards of a meal cooked outside. Fulfilling financial obligations towards kids because a priority placed over nurturing and mentoring with love and care. I guess this should suffice for now.

Pros and Cons of the futuristic model; This model is quite similar to the modern model in pros however an additional positive is that no one is stereotyped into doing something just because of their gender.

The cons; there is a lot of confusion and disturbance in the balance of society and I’ll explain how. The Man is expected to open doors, pull out the seat in a restaurant, handle the check after an outing, protect the lady, stand up and offer his place on public transportation if a lady steps in and there is no place for her to sit; these and more are the traits of a traditional model. In the futuristic model, this doesn’t exist, mostly because feminists say that gender roles try to show the superiority of one gender over another, “so what a Man can do a woman can do better”. So “some Men” as a response to that now refuse to do all that is listed above and say that well women can do it too since there are no gender roles.

So now on a date, you see a Man will ask the lady to pay for their meal, he won’t open any doors for her, forget about him pulling out a seat, even if a pregnant lady has to stand for a 15 mins bus ride, Men now refuse to give up their seats. The most degrading on is the golden rule “never hit a Woman, even if she hits you”. Now Men are seen hitting ladies who hit them back because there is no expectation of how a Man should act since we are all equal, so the argument is if you hit me I’ll hit you back.

This, of course, has infuriated many Ladies who feel that chivalry is lost in Men. Those of the futuristic model, still want Men to act as in the traditional model, but allow women to act as in the Modern model. This is where the confusion and imbalance to the society come in. At this point, my readers may feel that it seems like I lean more to the traditional model or the modern model, however that is not the objective of this blog. My objective is to offer some food for thought and allow my readers to formulate their own hypothesis, theory, observation, tests and conclusion (in no particular order). Look at the society as we know it now and as it was before and ask deep non-sentimental questions about the state of our progress so far.

I hope this sheds some light on this topic and I’ll greatly appreciate it if you all gave your comments. Till next week, read, share and follow for more.

Pseudo Quintessential Spiritualism

Dear readers,

I hope you all are faring well. It is always a pleasure to be able to share with you all yet another exciting blog every week.

This week I’ll like to harp on a topic that is quite interesting and a source of concern for neophytes on the path of spiritualism. Often times either by false perception or transferred thoughts of misconstrued idealism, many newbies on the path of spirituality create a utopia of what they seem as the quintessential circle of spiritualist. In their minds and activities they wonder about from faith to faith, religion to religion waiting to find that sphere of the above described spiritualism, all to little or no avail. This reminds me of the famous novel “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, wherein he uses the perfect allegory to pass across the situations of a trouble State and the results therein.

A lot of people new to the path of conscious spirituality, (and I mean one that has for focus the concept of a personal relationship with God), often get caught in the web of differentiating pseudo spiritualists from the real ones. The externals are not an issue, as many people can easily figure their way through this part. The difficulty starts when the philosophy meets practice and practice meets the everyday way of life. It is at this junction the pillars that hold the faith of many start to wobble and eventually collapse. When the exciting “conscious chants” are over and the mind starts its rampage and reality sets in, the new spiritualist begins to wonder what happened to the promise of “eternal high”. When the delicious communion of cruelty free meal is over and the newbie sees that the seasoned practitioners and old timers are not so free from violence in their discussions, his doubts seem to crawl back.

Many newbies will play ostrich at this point and bury their heads in the sand of hero/mentor worship, self-denial, misinterpretation of the philosophy, and “adaptation according to circumstances”. The pseudo spiritualists in such a religion who is but a quintessence of Napoleon from the Animal Farm will usually try to fake the practice of the philosophy with the hope that someday they make it. This may work for a while for some people, for some time for most people but not every time for everyone. Truth be told, many people are not ready for the truth because it disrupts the reality of their ignorance. So what could the truth be? Why is it so difficult for the newbie spiritualist to figure it out? It takes intelligence to be able to separate grain from chaff. As easy as it may sound in real life, many neophytes and even seasoned spiritualists find it difficult to make this separation. The reason could be varied however when the basics are not learned properly, then it is hard to even grab intermediate matters talk less of the advanced stuff.

It is apparently cool and flashy to put up a show of being “woke”, filled with the spirit or being on the platform of spontaneous love of God, however what is not cool is having to deal with the reality that sets in after these imposters see that their charade is not getting them anywhere. Let’s take an example of someone who attends a party of world class swimmers held on a cruise ship. At high sea, the ship starts to sink and then he sees all of the “seasoned swimmers” panicking. Only to find out that they can’t really swim.  There is a mixed feeling of anger, betrayal, and even amusement when such a guest has to witness the pseudo swimmers struggle for their lives in water. The neophyte in spirituality is sure to witness such scenarios at some point in their journey into spirituality. The choice is theirs however what they want to do with such a lesson.

The best recourse will be to take the path seriously, to train body, mind and spirit in the true tenets of whatever spiritual practice they are into. It will be in the interest of this practitioner to look for a real seasoned practitioner that understands the theory and practice of the path they are on. The neophyte must also make sure that the seasoned practitioner lives a life that reflects a balance of both theoretical understanding and practical application. When that is done, then he has to address the most difficult part; himself. Like it or not the larger percentage of work to be done in order to progress in spirituality, is the effort we put in when there is no one looking. Those things that we do when we are alone with our minds and the Lord in our heart.

Amidst this rubble is a few percent of those who are “woke” or say aware of the feeble phantasmagoria presented by these charlatans who parade as God conscious people. This few understand that in every spiritual circle there is bound to be the struggle of light over darkness and both never coexist. This few “woke” individuals know that sometimes there is joy in celebrating small private victories as opposed to the general opinion of making a show of advancement. They understand that spirituality is a silent inner journey where the aim is to go as deep as possible, way beyond the superficial flowery externals; floating on the surface that people confuse as the real thing. We can say they have surmounted the tendency to be distracted by the byproducts of spirituality. As it is with every endeavor that exposes the malignant nature of darkness, these few individuals will face their portion of the soul’s dark night. In their purification the neophyte will be deceived to think of it as tribulations and as such ridicule them. However just like the proverbial phoenix, they eventually rise from the same ashes they were reduced to.

The secret lies not in personal prowess, expertise, erudition nor deceit, but in sincerity that cannot be purchased by anything besides genuine intent and perfect understanding of who and what God really is.

Till next week, do read, share and follow for more.

Spiritual Stereotypes

Dear readers,

It is a pleasure to be here with you all today, sharing insights on various topics from a metaphysical perspective. I hope you all are faring well. I have been en route travelling hence my late post, kindly excuse me.

Today’s topic is one that drives home with many, especially those of us who have been either lifelong practitioners of some spiritual practices, or at least long time practitioners. I must say this topic was inspired by an incident that occurred a few days back, however before I begin to describe what happened, I felt I give a brief background of my University days. During my sophomore year I was involved in quite a lot of stage acting and as such would have regular rehearsals with other students in our drama group. During this time I was known as the “court jester” as I would always make everyone laugh.

In fact whenever we had meetings, the coordinator would specifically tell me, right after reading the agenda, “Please we have a lot to cover today, don’t make us laugh”. As soon as I replied, the entire crew would reel in laughter. Why am I recalling all of this? So fast forward a couple of years, we all graduate and fate takes every one of us to various parts of the world. I keep in contact with some of my friends from University days and some from my drama group. Somehow or the other many of them also follow my posts on Facebook and my blog, and a few have written to share their sincere appreciation of my blogs and writing. However there was more that they didn’t share, and a few days back I got to know.

So my friend posts a video, which is funny and I comment with a remark. She replies back saying “This is the you that I know. For a while I felt you had become cold because of your religion, since you hardly crack jokes like you used to. I am happy you are still the same person”. I was somewhat surprised and it did trigger a lot of thoughts. First and foremost, back while we were on campus, she and many of my friends who cared to know, were all aware of my faith, religion and practices, so it is not as if they just found out. The question is, what has changed? I decided to look deeply and some thoughts began to fall into place.

First theory: I must have unconsciously passed across an air of being “too spiritual” and probably because my timeline is full of blogs of spiritual subject matters, my friend felt I was no longer the funny guy she knew.

Second theory: She must have assumed that I was overly spiritual because I didn’t keep much contact and also due to the nature of my posts after we graduated.

Third theory: I must have unknowingly become a boring guy and lost all sense of humour because I wanted to come across as a grave student of spirituality.

Fourth theory: Spiritual life has taken its toll on me, and the effects are people see me as boring.

To be fair and unbiased I decided to look at each theory that I had jotted down, with as little bias as possible. In all fairness to her observation I must say that often times many people who follow some spiritual practice usually become “too serious” for their colleagues and it comes as a natural stereotype that most religious people are fanatical about their practice. The first theory might hold some weight, considering the fact that I did keep little contact with my friends from campus days and it is not surprising if they felt that way. The second theory might also hold some weight because my timeline is covered in practically just esoteric/spiritual posts and a few occasional comic posts. Thus it is natural for someone to once again assume that I had become too serious to share a joke. The third theory is one that I’ll like to probably harp on a little bit. Even though I know for certain that it doesn’t describe me, it does actually describe some spiritual practitioners. In our quest to look the part or to be serious students of spiritual life, sometimes we tend to become too strict for our counterparts and as such help them solidify their stereotypes about spiritually inclined people being fanatical. In my case I think what happened was that as soon as I graduated from campus,  I “forgot” to connect more. While on campus I was a lot more conscious of my interaction as the last image I wanted to portray was that I was a recluse because of my religion.

I made friends and people connected with me on various levels not even worrying about what I didn’t eat or what I didn’t do. With time I guess because a large percentage of those around me share the same faith and beliefs, I have probably lost touch with my jovial side. The fourth theory is true for a lot of spiritual practitioners and to an extent true for me. Let me explain. When we live in a spiritual community we come across many people from different walks of life. As such we have to be careful how we interact with others due to differences in our backgrounds and above all keeping in mind the rules and regulation in that community. For someone who is sanguine in temperament, jokes and being chatty is a normal attribute. The general mood of most spiritual communities is that everyone should be Melancholic (emotionally sensitive  and perfectionist introverts), and as such many people either hide their true nature or try to repress it while putting up the “required or expected mood”. In simpler words, people live a double life. One, they show in the spiritual community and another in a setting they feel more comfortable.

I have had personal experiences where I have shared jokes with people but instead of having a laugh, it rubbed them the wrong way. That been said, many spiritual practitioners then take the defensive and as such try to become or adapt the “mood” that is expected. The result is shallow and many people either get fried out or just abandon the process after a while. It is of little wonder why many people do not feel at ease in most spiritual gathering because they feel they cannot be themselves. Now should we allow the fake mood of such a place affect our real temperament and stop of us from being real? No. For how can we claim to be on a path of personal relationship with God or the Supreme, if our actions are all superficial and impersonal?

That been said, to all my friends who were with me during my campus days or who do not share the same spiritual path as I do, I want to say a few words.

“I have changed positively since we last connected or spoke and I am trying to be a better person. I have made considerable progress in my realization of the absolute truth and as such my circle of friends has been influenced. This much has changed about me. However I am still the loving, joke cracking and fun to be with person that you all know, and nothing can change that. If you ever feel the need to connect with me on a personal level, share a joke or catch up on campus days, please feel free to send me a message. I look forward to it.”

Till next week, do share, like and follow for more.