Victim Mentality

Dear readers,

I hope you all are faring well. It is a pleasure to be able to share with you all yet another exciting blog today. Compliments of the season! Today I just want to discuss something more of a realization, one I guess you all must be familiar with. This is the concept of responsibility and victim mentality. We must have been in conversations where either we or someone was expressing how they were a victim of certain circumstances or actions of someone else when really the opposite was the case.

It is somewhat ironical that we are quick to tell others to “Man-up” and take responsibility for their actions but refuse to apply the same energy when it pertains to us. Having the privilege to travel the world is a great opportunity that allows one to learn a lot from other people and culture, it is one that also exposes us to different ways of thinking of people in general. In my travels around the world, I have met with a lot of people and I have been amazed at how they all handle different situations. In as much as some of you may beg to differ, I can say in some way shape or form our environment, and upbringing has a lot to do with how we respond to certain issues in our life. 

Those who are raised in an environment where people are taught to take responsibility for their action, often deal better with situations in their own lives and do not try to pass the buck unnecessarily. On the other hand, those who are raised in an environment where everyone plays the victim and scream at others, at how they have been treated unfairly, almost never grow out of that mentality. They act rashly and without reason, and when checked, they are quick to play the victim and complain about how tough their life has been. Truth be told, yes there are situations where people have been disenfranchised in some way, form or manner. However, some people cling on to this narrative as if their existence depended on it. So basically what is the thought process of someone who takes responsibility for their actions as opposed to someone who plays the victim?

  • The victim always has a story while the responsible fellow always has a lesson. When something happens, those who accept responsibility for their actions take a leaf and learn a lesson while moving on smarter. Those who play the victim use it as an excuse to further indulge in their victim mentality.  
  • The victim repeats the same activities that make them “victims” while those who take responsibility step away from any activity that takes away their power of discernment. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
  • The victim thinks everyone owes them a favor, while those who accept responsibility for their actions don’t wait on favors. The common pitfall of most people who play the victim mentality is that they feel they are entitled to favors because of situations they have been in and will almost always try to prove a point with this. On the other hand, those who take responsibility do not wait for favors, rather they try to make amends to their situations and if a favor comes; fine. if not they are not disturbed.
  • The victim has habits of one who doesn’t strive for growth, while those who accept responsibility for their actions have habits that improve growth. When we take a closer look at how victims live their lives we can see that their daily habits are neither productive nor inspiring even for them. 
  • The victim hardly every shows gratitude except when they are asked to, while those who take responsibility are always beaming with gratitude. The reason is simply that the victim thinks he is “owed” something, no matter what you do for them, they never seem to appreciate. Those who take responsibility for their actions know that gratitude is a strong fort to have in life.
  • The victim thinks that a change in circumstances will take away their “suffering”, while those who take responsibility know that a change in mindset will save you suffering. There is a saying that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. This is a statement that shows to an extent the approach of these two people.  
  • The victim is a spendthrift, while those who take responsibility are better savers. Those who are always in the victim mentality will always find a reason to be lavish with money and feel it is an entitlement they need to have. Those who accept responsibility know that money is a resource that if misused, depletes quickly.
  • The victim feels that happiness comes from how much “stuff” they have, while those who take responsibility for their actions know that happiness comes from within. 
  • The victim makes excuses for their inefficiency while those who take responsibility make amends.
  • The victim feels being regulated is a disturbance while those who take responsibility know that to be successful one has to be regulated in one’s activities.
  • Last but not least, the victim has a “business relationship” with everyone and that also reflects in their relationship with God, while those who take responsibility for their actions have a loving relationship with people and extend that to their relationship with God.  

Since the mindset of a victim is one that is constantly trying to see what they can get out of a situation, they hardly ever turn to God just as an act of fellowship. They remember God when they are in distress and usually they tend to accuse God of being indifferent to their “suffering”. The irony is that even when God makes arrangement for them to grow by putting them in a better situation, they still won’t take advantage of it because they are too busy making excuses.  This concept of playing the victim is not just peculiar to material matters but as we can see, it slowly rubs off on our spirituality and how we handle ourselves as spiritual practitioners.

In a nutshell, if we must grow as viable members of the society and strong spiritual individuals then we must strive to better ourselves by taking responsibility for our actions no matter how small they may seem. I hope this sheds some light on the matter and helps someone out there to make better decisions. Till next week, read, share and follow for more. 

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